You are going to miss getting sent to the principal's office, pranks, practical jokes, cheerleader and volleyball tryouts, winning the spelling bee and getting all A's on your report card. There's a lot of learning that occurs between first grade and graduation and there's a lot of living, loving and learning between the first date and the wedding date.
Let the relationship naturally mature. Think of it as an adventure and if it doesn't lead to a wedding day, you will have had fun along the way and hopefully some great stories to share. Chris Rock says that in the beginning of a relationship "you never meet the true person you meet their representative. To keep from being hurt over and over again, you must be willing recognize and embrace the facts as they are and not interject your own romantic notations and fairy tales into the situation.
To begin the process, ask yourself, "What is the truth about the person and the potential relationship? I've seen women and men overlook a multitude of sin and lie to themselves, saying, "I didn't know". The sad truth is they consciously or unconsciously chose to overlook the obvious. They chose to look over bad boy ways, affairs, drinking problems, drug problems, gambling problems, domestic violence, irresponsible parenting, disappearing acts, obvious lies, uncaring behavior, prison records, love triangles, bi-sexual activities and Deal Breakers of every kind.
When it comes to relationships ignorance is not bliss.
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To see what is really there you have to ask the right questions, read the signs, do the research, recognize the truth and know when you are being told what you want to hear rather than the truth. Don't be so enamored with the representative that your common sense takes a vacation and your ability to reason and think critically is lost. Use all your senses and see what is in front of you regardless of how he may try to camouflage the truth.
Look past the representative and discern the true essence of your potential partner. If in doubt make sure your closest friends or family members meets him. They will often see what you cannot see and will tell you those things you need to, but don't want to hear. One of the best parts of a good relationship is great sex.
It is a perfectly normal part of a relationship, but there is a time and appropriateness for sex. Do not allow yourself to be a docking station just because you are lonely and he needs a place to plug in. This points to desperation and will never make a man love you.
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Men are not moved by sex. They are moved by what they feel for the woman they are having sex with. If your relationship has not developed to at least a mutual respect and admiration level, let him dock his appliances somewhere else. Before you let a guy charge his battery at your docking station, make sure that you are not just any docking station around the city.
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If his battery is low, he won't care whose charger or docking station he uses. Of course, he's not likely to tell you that you are just any docking station, it is up to you to unearth the truth and discover if he has affection for you or if you are merely an avenue to get his appliance charged. Think about it, when you need a charge anything goes.
I've asked perfect strangers in an airport if they had a charger that would fit my phone or electronic device. And men looking for emotionless non-committal sex will do the same thing in any nightclub, restaurant, sporting event or airport. In desperate times a docking station is only a docking station until you find your personal charger. If you skip the logical progression of steps you can become the community docking station. I always knew I would join the army myself — I served for 22 years.
After that, I travelled, and that took the place of marriage. Jerusalem, Israel, Bangkok, Hong Kong. I even went round Borneo in a cargo ship once. I like to represent myself.
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I was in My Fair Lady once and the lead guy had the most beautiful voice. I have a neuromuscular disability and need the help of a personal care assistant for almost everything I do. I have an exhausting, time-consuming routine: Despite this, I hold down a career and have friends. So in many ways I felt a loner.
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But the most real part of me is intimate, passionate and generous, and I need to be in a relationship for that to come out. I always thought it was a given that one day I would marry and have children. My friends have partners, so I play a smaller part in their lives, while they play a bigger part in mine.
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I keep fit and do courses at the weekend. My sisters are twins, three years older than me, so when I was growing up they were always so much closer than I was. I was an only child, raised by my mother and two aunts, all of whom had strong Methodist leanings. At 19, I fell in love with a girl, but our relationship was platonic.
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Do I feel that I can handle the process? Do I feel like I can handle the outcome? Do I feel confident in my abilities to perform? Do I feel that I have to perform and I don't want to? Am I pressuring myself to make a decision quickly when I don't have enough information? Can I get more information?
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Is my sense of worth at stake in this moment? Can I drop the question of worthiness? Am I trying to protect myself from a particular outcome?
Am I actually not equipped to handle the outcome or do I just feel inadequate? Can I read a book, take a class, do a Google search to feel more knowledgeable?
Do I know someone who has been in this position before who can provide detail around what currently feels abstract and scary?